you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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