I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
