i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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