You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
