just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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