I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
