imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
