so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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