'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
