We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
