Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
