If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
