So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
