She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
