Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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