She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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