i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
