I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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