By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
