I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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