my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
