and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
