Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
