Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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