Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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