i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
