if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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