Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
