sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
