she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
