Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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