I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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