White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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