there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
