If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
