Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
