i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
