god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize