Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
