arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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