u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
