That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
