I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
