A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
