I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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