You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
