Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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