I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
