Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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