Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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