Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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