i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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