she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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