Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
