"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
