Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
