my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
