I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
