Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
