he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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