what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
