I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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