I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
