dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
