I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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