I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
