My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Randomize
