im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
