i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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