Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
