Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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